He is a normal guy, good job and nothing (that I can tell) that would stop him from getting a girlfriend. His answer was as follows: “Because I don’t know what to say to to women when I first meet them”. Over the course of my professional career, I have noticed this “phenomena” in many males. They instantly freeze up around a pretty girl they are attracted to, their minds go blank and they can’t think of anything to say. I want you to take a minute to stop and think back to the past 30 days of your life. How many times were you out in public, at work or at a social function and saw a girl that you were attracted to? Did you walk over there and try to strike up a conversation or did you find yourself staring at the girl from afar multiple times….to the point that she noticed the staring and when you both made eye contact, she gave you a dirty look because she thought you were creepy….and then most likely you took this personally as if there was something wrong with you, only adding to your low self-confidence and lack of self esteem.

This is the #1 reason as to why guys set themselves up for failure and start on a downward spiral towards low self esteem when it comes to talking to women. There really isn’t a set formula for what to say to a girl you just met. You have to understand that when you first approach a girl, she is most likely going to be as uncomfortable as you are. She was not expecting you to walk over and start picking her up. This is another critical area where most guys fail…..they walk up to a girl with the specific intention of picking her up. Even if they don’t ramble off cheesy pickup lines, the girl can still sense that they are just out to get a number. In some cases like a bar or a club, this might be perfectly normal, but in normal everyday situations it needs to be tackled from a different approach. The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath, and relax your mind. If you aren’t feeling comfortable with yourself then it will show up on the outside. Then you need to realize that your only intention is to get the girl to talk to you. That’s it. Then approach her with a smile on your face (not a creepy smile) and simply say “Hi”. Here are 5 tips on how to talk to women for the first time:

1. Breaking the ice. My cousin from Australia was in town and we went over to Starbucks for a coffee one night. The barista that was working was this really cute (early 20′s) blonde girl that always had this really bad look on her face….the kind of look that would make most guys think twice about walking up to her and striking up a conversation. As we were waiting for her to make our drinks, my cousin saw that she looked stressed/whatever and simply asked her “How is your day going?”. That was all it took. The nasty look on her face disappeared and was immediately replaced with smile. They talked for about 15 minutes (while I was waiting impatiently) and at the end he got her number. 2. Keep the topic of conversation to “about her”. Most people love talking about themselves. If you are having a hard time finding things to talk about to a girl, simply ask her questions that pertain to herself. Most women will take the ball and run with it. All you have to do is listen and she will subconsciously give you even more topics to talk about. Simple as that.3. Be yourself. Unless you are an actor chances are that you aren’t good at fooling other people into thinking you are anybody else other than yourself. Same goes for women. Don’t try to come off as a suave smooth talker. Don’t try to show off for her, or pretend that you are someone you are not. Women have this ability to pick up on the small things that just don’t seem right to them…..including a guy pretending to be someone he is not. The only person that you are fooling is yourself.

4. Stay relaxed. This is probably one of the hardest things for guys to do. Even though it might now show up on the outside (physical) if you don’t stay relaxed it will manifest itself in your tone of voice or other subconscious instances. I tell people who have this issue to try to take 5-10 minutes every night and meditate. Close your eyes and just let yourself relax and breathe deep. Over the course of a month you will begin to realize a much more calmer demeanor. I am not a meditation expert, so I advise people to start off by buying a book or two on the subject. “Meditation for Dummies” (I have no idea if this book actually exists) would be a great start. 5. Tone of voice and speech. Even though some guys are shy by nature, some of them are very good at covering it up…..except when it comes to the tone of their voice. This is a dead giveaway to women that you are nervous/bullshitting/don’t know what you are talking about. Practice your speech by talking to random people on a daily basis and when it comes time to talk to a girl, focus on speaking slowly and clearly. Don’t worry, you won’t come off as a “mentally slow” person.